Every time I turn around he is a moments thought away.
Everything reminds me of a movie I saw and watched 100x either by myself or with the kids... its truly heartwrenching...
Would it be easier had he died of a stroke?
Certainly, knowing his past, it would seem more REAL.
Knowing he took his life, knowing depression personally...that darkness that drowns you on a personal level makes his death surreal- almost personal...and observing so many feeling the personal grief and knowing they DO NOT associate that level of KNOWING depression makes the emotions almost overwhelming.
Everyone who suffers from clinical depression has their own 'DEAL' with
THEIR depression and to see someone take the "way out" that at times LOOKS to rein supreme creates a sense between envy, awe and the ultimate fear that if HE, Robin Williams, can not figure out how to overcome or SNAP! out of HIS darkness, the fear of reaching that point and not snapping out of my/our own is or looks futile.
Now I know that may come off crazy or, some may say "stay focused" or "get help" but if people who commit suicide COULD stay focused OR the help we DO seek worked all the time, then we/they wouldn't commit suicide, much less complete the task..as he did.
In the oddity, and certainly not to sound depressed myself, although I feel the days growing shorter ie the seasons on the cusp of change, Robin Williams is at peace, no longer tortured by choosing to LIVE for others based on the expectations that society dictates...
Some people are truly OK with 'checking out' while things seem OK with those they love and before what they see coming will rob them of that "OK".
To explain the last comment, Robin Williams had recently finished 4 movies, the show, 'The Crazy Ones' was cancelled and thus, things were DONE or what would seem like at a 'finished' point.
What was next was the onset of the Parkinson's for the world to observe. Michael J Fox was diagnosed in '91 and did not share it with the world until '98...how long would he be able to manage without the world seeing him with pity?
I do not see Robin Williams, who has given and had so much to give, accept being on the receiving end. Many men are this way, he is not alone and his actions speak loudly that there is nothing humorous of what he foresaw, either in the near future or in the moment of his chosen demise.
I pray we hear that the toxicology report shows the medication he was taking for depression & anxiety contributed to his actions, I really do.
I want to hear how his choices were not to escape the truth of what life was offering him and that he would have marveled us with his unique ways of teaching us how to deal with what all life hands us...but somehow, in the pit of my stomach, I feel that Robin Williams had had enough lemons to make as much lemonade as he cared for and decided to make a point upon his exit; when it's time to go, it's time to go and that is dat.
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From the movie "
Mrs. Doubtfire"
(where (Mrs. Doubtfire) is reading the letter from the child whose parents are getting divorced):
"Dear Mrs. Doubtfire;
Two months ago, my mom and dad decided to separate. Now they live in different houses. My brother Andrew says that we aren't a real family any more. Is this true? Did I lose my family? Is there anything I could do to get my parents back together?
Sincerely, Katie McCormick."
Oh, my dear Katie.
You know, some parents get along much better when they don't live together. They don't fight all the time and they can become better people. Much better mommies and daddies for you. And sometimes they get back together. And sometimes they don't, dear. And if they don't... don't blame yourself. Just because they don't love each other doesn't mean that they don't love you. There are all sorts of different families, Katie. Some families have one mommy, some families have one daddy, or two families. Some children live with their uncle or aunt. Some live with their grandparents, and some children live with foster parents. Some live in separate homes and neighborhoods, in different areas of the country. They may not see each other for days, weeks, months or even years at a time.
But if there's love, dear, those are the ties that bind. And you'll have a family in your heart forever.
All my love to you, poppet.
You're going to be all right."
Bye-bye.
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From the movie, "
Dead Poet's Society"
O Captain! My Captain!
By Walt Whitman
O Captain! my Captain! our fearful trip is done,
The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won,
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring;
But O heart! heart! heart!
O the bleeding drops of red,
Where on the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.
O Captain! my Captain! rise up and hear the bells;
Rise up—for you the flag is flung—for you the bugle trills,
For you bouquets and ribbon’d wreaths—for you the shores a-crowding,
For you they call, the swaying mass, their eager faces turning;
Here Captain! dear father!
This arm beneath your head!
It is some dream that on the deck,
You’ve fallen cold and dead.
My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still,
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will,
The ship is anchor’d safe and sound, its voyage closed and done,
From fearful trip the victor ship comes in with object won;
Exult O shores, and ring O bells!
But I with mournful tread,
Walk the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.
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From the movie, "
What Dreams May Come"
Chris Nielsen (Williams):
A whole human life is just a heartbeat here in Heaven. Then we'll all be together forever.
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Thats reassuring, don't ya think?
Sad to know he is gone on a selfish level and my heart hurts for his family and friends...
This is the house that occupied Mrs. Doubtfire's 'family'...it speaks volumes to my heart.
If I ever visit San Francisco, this will be my memorial stop in memory of Robin Williams.
Goodbye Robin Williams; your journey on earth was amazing from the looks of us mere mortals...your star will forever glisten in the history of men who had us laughing through our tears like nobody else could do.
As I end this I will quote the graduation speech from the movie "
Jack"
"I don't have very much time these days so I'll make it quick. Like my
life. You know as we come to the end of this phase of our lives, we find
ourselves trying to remember the good times and trying to forget the
bad times, and we find ourselves thinking about the future. We start to
worry, thinking "What am I gonna do?", "Where am I gonna be in ten
years?". But I say to you, "Hey, look at me". Please, don't worry so
much, because in the end none of us have very long on this earth - life
is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer
sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night, and when a
shooting star streaks through the blackness turning night into day, make
a wish and think of me. Make your life spectacular. I know I did!"
Jack
ie Robin Williams AS Jack
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As Mork would say, "Na-Nu Na-Nu" in greeting.
But would say, "Shazbot"in place of other profanity...
I feel like screaming "OH SHAZBOT this is SO NOT RIGHT!!"
Goodnight, and I pray that I sleep better, at least...
~M
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No matter what problems you are dealing with, we want to help you find a reason
to keep living. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll
be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime
24/7.
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